Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
