So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize