So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
