Your face is a jimmy john
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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