Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
