wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
