He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
