it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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