how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i will never coherently bang her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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