I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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