I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
