Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
