I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
