I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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