I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
