You made me cry and you don't even care
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
