Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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