He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
