we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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