he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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