I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
