I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
