If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
