In the future we'll all be gay
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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