Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
