so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
