i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
