I hate your face
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize