he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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