If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I will be naked everywhere
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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