I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
