Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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