well I can't set my house on fire every night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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