I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
