$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
