I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
