I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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