best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
