At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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