when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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