I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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