guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
