I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
