she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
