just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
