Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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