you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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