She's JV to your varsity
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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