I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
