A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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