She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
