My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
