Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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