On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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