It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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