So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
