i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
as a side note pls kill me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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