I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
