He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
