the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
