I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
