I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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