it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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