I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
