he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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