Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
