A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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