I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
