i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize