So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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