I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
